We often hear these terms- Bully, Bullying, Bullied and so on….. And these words literally giving us a loads of tension fear and turmoils many of our life. Each and everyday, I got to see a post in my Facebook. My child was hanged by the bully, teenager got abused by the bully, son death after the torture by the bully…..etc. Even now-a-days, few teacher are found to become an icon of bully.
But bully does not only have their limitation at school, colleges but we also find them in our home- the safe area which we think or atleast parents think so….
But where from these bullies come from? Why they do such things? Moreover and the most important part is how to handle it ?
I know we can’t find our superman, batman or spiderman, who will come and save us. But, yes if we get to know the above three questions- we can be our own hero. After all, superman, batman and spiderman also got embarrassed.
Where From these BULLIES comes from?
If you try to find geographical location, you will find them everywhere. Now are they from any particular cast or race- there also you will get the answer no.
So, are they from any particular psychological state- now there is a big YES!!!!
Data shows that those who bully are far more likely than average to have experienced a stressful or traumatic situation in the past 5 years. Examples include their parents/guardians splitting up, the death of a relative or the gaining of a little brother or sister. It makes sense because we all respond to stress in very different ways.
66% of the people who had admitted to bullying somebody else were male. Take a minute to think about how guys are raised in our culture and compare that to the ways in which girls are raised. The moment a guy starts to show any sign of emotion, he’s told to man up and to stop being a girl. For girls, it’s encouraged that they speak up about issues that affect them. For guys, it’s discouraged and so they start to respond with aggressive behaviors, such as bullying, as a way of coping with issues that affect them. This is why guys are more likely than girls to physically attack somebody or to commit crimes(This is not a womanizer part but the TRUTH one!!!!)
In order to mask how they actually feel about themselves, some people who bully focus attention on someone else. They try to avoid any negative attention directed at them by deflecting. But know they might look in the mirror at home and hate the way they look. There is so much pressure to live up to beauty and fitness standards. We are taught to compare ourselves to others, instead of embracing our own beauty.
It’s used as a defense mechanism and people tend to believe that by bullying others.
1 in 3 of those who bully people daily told us that they feel like their parents/guardians don’t have enough time to spend with them. They are more likely to come from larger families and are more likely to live with people other than their biological parents. There are often feelings of rejection from the very people who should love them unconditionally. They are also much more likely to come from violent households with lots of arguments and hostility.
Finally, those who bully are more likely to feel like their friendships and family relationships aren’t very secure. In order to keep friendships, they might be pressured by their peers to behave a certain way.
So, remember it’s not you who are insecure, it’s they who needs some love.
Why they do such things?
They do just because to cover up their mental state as discussed previously. They just want o get rid of their stressed life by torturing someone else.
THE BULLY IS LONELY
Feeling unimportant and left out can contribute to bullying. Everyone needs attention and sometimes, those who don’t have enough will turn into bullies.
THE BULLY HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM
If someone feels that they’re not smart enough, attractive enough or worthy enough, then they have to make themselves feel better about themselves. Whatever the reason is, the easiest way for them to achieve that is by putting someone else down.
THE BULLY IS JEALOUS
This ties in with the previous reason of the bully having low self-esteem. However, if a bully is jealous of a particular person then they’ll take their frustrations out on that person.
THE BULLY IS PART OF A PACK
More often than not, bullies roll in groups. They want a sense of security just in case someone decides to fight back, then they can call for back up.
THE BULLY HAS A BIG EGO
Some bullies don’t fit any of the above criteria. Their main motivation for bullying simply boils down to having a big ego.
THE BULLY LIKES TO IMPRESS
Certain people want to be the center of attention. We all know someone like that. There’s nothing wrong with that but a bully chooses to get that attention in the wrong way. They usually don’t have any particular talent or skills that can impress people so they have to poke fun at someone to get some laughs. Because of this, they feel that they’ve left a good impression among their peers.
How to handle it ?
Yes, this is a big question. HOW TO HANDLE THEM???? But trust me their also solutions prevails. Some effective way to handle this”BULLY” :
- Be Confident– Bullies lose their power if you don’t cower. Deep down, they doubt they deserve your respect. They admire you for speaking with self-assurance and confidence. So when they bombard, don’t counter punch. Rather, win them over with your strong, firm, courteous demeanor.
- Stay Connected– Bullies operate by making their victims feel alone and powerless. Children reclaim their power when they make and maintain connections with faithful friends and supportive adults.
- Use Simple, Unemotional Language– Unemotional response lets a bully know that the victim does not intend to be victimized. It does not seek forgiveness, but does not pose a challenge either.
- Set Limits– The trick is to remain polite and professional while still setting your limits firmly. Don’t let the bully get under your skin—that’s what he wants. Practice your response so you’re prepared the next time something happens and you can respond swiftly without getting emotional. Keep it simple and straightforward, for example: ‘I don’t think your tone is appropriate.
- Act quickly and consistently– The longer a bully has power over a victim, the stronger the hold becomes. Oftentimes, bullying begins in a relatively mild form—name calling, teasing, or minor physical aggression. After the bully has tested the waters and confirmed that a victim is not going to tell an adult and stand up for his rights, the aggression worsens.
- Strike while the iron is cold– Sometimes all you have to do with a bully is wait a little while. Rather than exchanging hostilities, step back so that you are not responding in the heat of the moment and meeting them on their own level. Cool heads find solutions more easily than hot ones. Besides, if you step back, they may do the dirty work for you. In the case of a bully using social media for negative purposes, “Never interfere with an enemy while he’s in the process of destroying himself. This is exactly what your bully is doing: marking herself with a big red flag. We may live in a world fully inundated with social media, but all truly professional organizations (and people) understand that this is not the mature way of acting in the workplace. So just ignore it. If your bully keeps it up, you won’t be worrying about her for long.
- Make yourself strong– Learn the self defense, so that you can use it whenever it is required but please in an extreme case. So that the things don’t go worse and at the same time you will be able to show who is the real king and queen.
- Use tricky steps– It is wise to use tricky ways instead of taking some hasty decision at the heat of the moment. For example: think that you know boxing and you went to a new school and got some new bullies. Be cool,bear that day and make some beautiful moves of your boxing in a video along with other(what you wanna include) and introduce yourself to the whole school with your video. This will take your bullies a level down and also you will got to have some new friends.
I know you will say that it’s easy to say but really hard to handle. Yes, I know it’s hard to handle as I faced it a lot. But remember, the wheel of the time spin and your day will come.
Be strong, don’t let other hover upon you. Believe in yourself and once you do it, nothing can harm you. You are a beautiful and magnificent beast of this earth, so handle yourself with care and please, please don’t destroy it.